I have been thinking about how to actually write this post because everyone has insecurities, flaws and imperfections that you can never get over no matter what. I could count on one hand the amount of features I actually like about myself and I find that quite upsetting because no matter what I do I'm always going to have them. I go through a lot of bad days or bad weeks were I simply won't leave the house because I don't want to see anyone or anyone to see me.
Posting a photograph of myself on instagram, Facebook, twitter or tumblr may come across as if I find myself "acceptable" because I am sharing the way I look with others but what people don't is just how long it has took me to get the courage to actually post that photograph in case someone is criticising the way my nose is or the size of my lips, its an ongoing cycle. Receiving likes and comments about you being 'beautiful' or 'pretty' never helps either, I never remember the good compliments from people, only the worst. I could sit now and write down all of the past nasty comments I have received from people for as far back as I can remember but I won't do that because that will only make me upset. No-one thinks about other people's insecurities or the way that they see them selves whilst they are talking to them. I want to be someone's idea of perfection but how can you become that when you don't even see yourself as it?
Recently I have been battling a lot with my weight, constantly dieting, no matter what I eat I am constantly thinking to myself, you shouldn't eat them, you'll regret that, how many calories does that have in? I am constantly shaming myself for everything I do and eat and it's because I'm never going to be happy with myself. I look at other people's photographs and I'm like "I wish I looked like her, I wish I could eat as much as she does and not gain any weight" but unfortunately that isn't me.
I am 18 years old and for as long as I can remember I have despised my flaws, as much as I hate my insecurities, I will not let them defeat me, hopefully one day I will actually appreciate them even a little bit because without them, I wouldn't be myself. One of my biggest fears in life is that when I have children, they are over run with their insecurities, I know how it feels to be so upset with the way I look and I'd hate for it to happen to my own child. I can't change the way they feel about themselves or help anyone but I can help them by letting them know that they aren't alone with it, we all have them but without them we wouldn't be ourselves.
How do you cope with your insecurities? Does any of this sound familiar to you? I am long way from ever feeling good about myself and my insecurities but I will get there. I know I will. I will not let them destroy me
Ciao for now...
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